Tagged: comedy

Hiring a New Villain

This is from the Weekly Writer’s Prompt from Writer’s Digest: Hiring A New Villain, originally posted April 27, 2017. 500 words.

 

I crossed my left leg over my right as the monstrosity settled down into the chair on the other side of my dark wood desk.

“So, Mardock,” I began.

He immediately corrected me, his voice booming from behind the scarred metal helm that covered most of his face. “MOR-dock. Not MAR-dock. Mordock the Blood Drinker.”

As Mordock spoke, the sense of something just behind the veil of reality chattering and barking filled the room.

“Right,” I said, making note of it on my yellow writing pad.

I met Mordock’s hellish gaze. His eyes were red hot coals burning within his helmet. As Mordock shifted in seat the veins in his tree trunk of a neck and boulder-sized shoulders rippled – almost as if the tentacles of some creature resided under his skin rather than veins.

“So, Mordock, tell me a bit about yourself, and what would make you the best candidate for the villain of my next novel.”

“I began life as a slave in one of the tribes on the plains of Hruntnor,” Mordock began, his voice almost a shout. “My mother was a concubine of the tribe’s chief, and though I was his son he treated me lower than the livestock. As a young man I was thrown into the fighting pits, and quickly earned a reputation as a brutal killer.”

I scribbled notes as he spoke.

“It was the night of the blood moon that I discovered my destiny,” he continued. “I and fourteen other slaves fell into a sinkhole. I was the only one to survive. Within was a cave, and there the dark gods offered me power, taking the deaths of the thirteen other slaves as a satisfactory offering.”

Though I couldn’t see Mordock’s smile, I could hear it in his voice and see it in the flare of his fiery eyes.

“I climbed from that cave and killed my father, taking control of the tribe. I subjugated the surrounding tribes, leaving offerings of death to my fell patrons in my wake.”

I nodded approvingly. I liked what I heard.

There was just one more question I had.

“This all sounds excellent,” I said. “But can you do sneaky and underhanded?”

Mordock stopped and froze in place, his blazing eyes cooled for a moment.

“Uh. . .I, uh. . .I can kill.”

“Right, I gathered that. But can you craft and hatch maniacal plans?”

“Well. . .” I could see his red eyes narrowed in a frown. “I can. . .I can launch campaigns. . .and slaughter thousands. . .did I mention I can kill?”

“Yes, you did mention that.”

“Good, good,” he said, helmeted head bobbing. “Yes, I can definitely kill.”

“Well, thank you, Mordock,” I said, standing up. “I will be in contact.”

Mordock shook my hand, and I could tell he was a little dejected. He opened the door to my office, and I could see the long line of villain applicants had increased since the beginning of Mordock’s interview.

“Next!” I yelled.